Mothers and Daughters

My friend once commented that we all seems to have different dynamics to our relationships with our mothers. How are some mothers and daughters able to bypass those things that strain most mother daughter relationships and actually call each other friends? How do some see each other as rivals and how do others even come to hate each other?

I can't speak for those I know, I can only speak for myself and of my own mother. I called my mother today. She currently down south, visiting her own mother who is dying from Alzheimer's. I was concerned about her. After all, her mother is her best-friend. She always had a very close relationship with her mother and whenever she speaks of her mother, there is a wealth of love and intimacy in the word "Ma" that I can honestly say that sometimes, I am even jealous of the word. There's a softness to her tone that carries in the "m" sound.

You'd think she would be in pain, torn apart, losing her mother. But she first asks me about her grandson and then matter-of-factly fills me in on my grandmother's condition. I asked her if she was ok and how she was holding up. Her response was pretty much what you would expect, she is sad but she knows that one day she'll see her mother again, in heaven. There was such serene faith in her voice that for a moment I felt it wash over me and ease some of my own sorrow away.

Maybe we will never be best friends. She'll always try to tell me what to do and I'll always "not listen". But in the end, she is still my mother and without the weird way she shows her affections, I think I'd be lost. Maybe I'm more like her than I realized. In the midst of absolute grief, we are like two calm bodies of water. I am my mother's daughter as much as she has been her mother's. When the dust clears after the moment and the moment is no more, all that remains is who we are. We are mothers and daughters and that speaks volumes in and of itself.

I realize that's fairly vague, but I'm still working it out. Maybe one of these days I actually will.

Sincerely Yours